A week and a day aka there's a hole in my bucket...err palate

So you know those times when things are going really well and you're waking like Leonardo DiCaprio in that meme...you know the one....and then something happens to take the wind right of your sails? That was today, friends.

Things were stellar yesterday morning - I could breathe FINALLY! I was drinking large quantities. The swelling had gone down significantly.  I still look like an extra from The Walking Dead, but there was definite progress.

Yesterday evening, I noticed something odd.  When I drank water, a tiny bit dribbled out of my nose.  This struck me as odd, but not emergent, so I decided I would call the surgeon's office this morning to get some feedback on it.  

This morning, the amount of fluid that was traveling between the two was slightly higher and it was starting to become uncomfortable.  I still wasn't worried, but made a point of calling as soon as the office opened.

After some backing and forthing, on the phone with the office, it was decided that I have a fistula in my palate.  That is to say, there's a hole where there oughtn't be.  It is likely quite small.  May even just be that a membrane, while healing, has become thinner than it ought to.  Either way, not something that should happen.  I expected when the nurse said that "the doctor will call you back and he may give you something for it", we were talking about a medication or an exercise.  What I was not expecting was the direction to not drink water or thin fluids for the next week and hope it heals itself because otherwise I will need more surgery to repair the hole.

To say I am crushed would be an understatement.  This feels like a giant setback to me.  I am going to do everything in my power to keep anything from permeating that hole/membrane this week, but I am also not feeling terribly hopeful about it.  Things don't just "fix themselves," in my experience.

I am concerned about hydration.  I drink a lot of water (see blog posts re: NDI) and kind of hate the Ensure, so I am not sure how this is going to go.

I'm also frustrated because this shouldn't have happened and likely wouldn't have happened if it weren't for some particularly rigid staff at the hospital and their "my way or the highway" philosophies around certain aspects of aftercare for this surgery, many of which contradicted the doctor's directions and those in the written documentation I received from the hospital.  I had begun drafting another post addressing this yesterday, which will be broadly about self-advocacy and readiness in patient care.  I will go into the reasons for my frustration more there, but for now let's just say there is some baggage attached to this bit of shitty news.

Here's an updated pic....I can almost smile and I almost have cheekbones again, guys!

Day 10 - Culinary Adventures

Today was a day of experimentation. I started off by re-trying the soup that I mentioned yesterday again today. With more energy and knowing what to expect, it went much better.
With that under my belt, I decided to give butterscotch pudding a shot, sipping it off the spoon, into my mouth. This was messy business to say the least and I found myself scraping food off my mouth and surrounding face the same as I do for Orin. Hehe. I will probably leave things of this density for a little while longer because it was tiring and may have created mild suction in my mouth - not a good idea.
I wasn't deterred altogether though. For supper, I decided to try a smoothy/shake. I mixed up 250ml of chocolate milk, 1/2 a banana and 2 tbsp of peanut butter in the blender. It was alright.....the peanut butter gave it a bit of a texture because, while it is labeled "smooth" peanut butter, this brand is a little grainy, which was off-putting for someone like me (i.e. fussy about texture). I also learned that frozen fruit both blends better and brings a little extra chill to drinks (I had to put ice cubes in it to chill it enough to make it palatable). Overall, a good option. I may try it with ice cream next time to make it more milkshake-like.
Swelling is going down still....although the changes are subtle now and it can be flared up if I talk any great amount. If I had to put a number on it, I would say that my swelling has reduced by about 65% from the worst. The bruising is fading very quickly...I have small pea soup-coloured patches on my lower face and neck and some dark mottling around my eyes and chin and that is it. I am feeling more inside my mouth now, which means more to worry about. Every time I feel something, I worry that I've damaged something.
The only feeling of real concern is a familiar one, surprisingly. When I had my palate spread, there was, for a long time, a feeling of flexibility and fragility and sometimes even small shooting pains in it. I didn't expect this to return because, my understanding is that they didn't do any work on my palate (beyond likely some minor bumping while they worked on my top jaw). I am a little befuddled by the return of these feelings and will be mentioning them to my surgeon when I see him on Wednesday.
For now, here are some photos: