A week and a day aka there's a hole in my bucket...err palate

So you know those times when things are going really well and you're waking like Leonardo DiCaprio in that meme...you know the one....and then something happens to take the wind right of your sails? That was today, friends.

Things were stellar yesterday morning - I could breathe FINALLY! I was drinking large quantities. The swelling had gone down significantly.  I still look like an extra from The Walking Dead, but there was definite progress.

Yesterday evening, I noticed something odd.  When I drank water, a tiny bit dribbled out of my nose.  This struck me as odd, but not emergent, so I decided I would call the surgeon's office this morning to get some feedback on it.  

This morning, the amount of fluid that was traveling between the two was slightly higher and it was starting to become uncomfortable.  I still wasn't worried, but made a point of calling as soon as the office opened.

After some backing and forthing, on the phone with the office, it was decided that I have a fistula in my palate.  That is to say, there's a hole where there oughtn't be.  It is likely quite small.  May even just be that a membrane, while healing, has become thinner than it ought to.  Either way, not something that should happen.  I expected when the nurse said that "the doctor will call you back and he may give you something for it", we were talking about a medication or an exercise.  What I was not expecting was the direction to not drink water or thin fluids for the next week and hope it heals itself because otherwise I will need more surgery to repair the hole.

To say I am crushed would be an understatement.  This feels like a giant setback to me.  I am going to do everything in my power to keep anything from permeating that hole/membrane this week, but I am also not feeling terribly hopeful about it.  Things don't just "fix themselves," in my experience.

I am concerned about hydration.  I drink a lot of water (see blog posts re: NDI) and kind of hate the Ensure, so I am not sure how this is going to go.

I'm also frustrated because this shouldn't have happened and likely wouldn't have happened if it weren't for some particularly rigid staff at the hospital and their "my way or the highway" philosophies around certain aspects of aftercare for this surgery, many of which contradicted the doctor's directions and those in the written documentation I received from the hospital.  I had begun drafting another post addressing this yesterday, which will be broadly about self-advocacy and readiness in patient care.  I will go into the reasons for my frustration more there, but for now let's just say there is some baggage attached to this bit of shitty news.

Here's an updated pic....I can almost smile and I almost have cheekbones again, guys!

Day 9 - Home Sweet Home

Don't get me wrong, I am eternally grateful to my sister and to Jane & Moe for the use of their spaces and even to the Dartmouth General Hospital and especially to my mom for spending more than a week of her vacation this year caring for me. Seriously, she didn't have to and it means a ton to me that she did.
All that said, my friends, I cannot tell you how elated I am to be home. My bed is so comfortable....it might as well be made of marshmallows. My children are angelic and perfect (this will probably last until bed time ;) ), my pets are the most delightful, well-mannered animals on the face of the planet.....you get what I am saying. It is that wonderful feeling of returning to your comfort zone after a time out of it, sometimes, as in stressful situations, WAY out of it.
The kids' reactions were better than I expected actually. Orin had a look of immediate recognition when he saw me, but also a definite sense of hesitation. He toddled right over and kind of coyly, sweetly, quietly asked to be picked up. I put him in my lap and almost immediately, he leaned into me, looked up into my face and smiled. After about twenty minutes, he was running around, plopping in my lap instructing me on the names of all of my belongings and species of animals that we have (he now calls the dog "dog" rather than "cat", people....can I get a Hallelujah!). Isabel was out grocery shopping with her dad when I arrived, so when she came in, she smiled right away, walked over to me, wrapped her arms around my legs and strung this all together, "I won't jump on you, mom. I'll be gentle. I love you so much. I missed you." She's been a right little mum to me, bringing me her friends to comfort me, helping me pour soup, grabbing a face cloth to mop up soup that I got on my shirt. Truly, heartwarming.
As for me, I feel much the same as I did yesterday. This is the first day when I haven't felt that the swelling and feeling in my face haven't changed. The bruising is fading already, which surprised me. Otherwise, I am feeling pretty similar to yesterday. Hopefully, tomorrow will bring with it a little more energy and a little less puffiness in the chin....it just still feels...well...gigantic.
Oh! I tried one of the soups that I bought today....V8 Cream of Broccoli. It is good. It has more substance to it than I was expecting, so I may need to hold off on using the rest for about a week because I can't quite manage the small chunks of broccoli yet, but the taste was really good. I was pretty impressed.
Pics below were taken while resting in my own bed before supper :)